I Hate My Life

Our government is only as strong as its people are smart.

And that’s why grocery shopping depresses me.

You see, once a week or so I'll have a need for a variety of items that can only be bought at one type of store. A grocery store. On one hand I view it as a scavenger hunt, so that part’s not depressing. The saddening part is the checkout lane.

I don’t know much about retail, but I know that the area immediately adjacent to the register is the most valuable area in the store, because that is where people make their impulse buys. So stores need to fill it with stuff that grabs peoples attention. Stuff they want to buy

So each week I stare at that space.

And that’s where and when I get sad.

Because what people are buying is telling them the following:

Jessica Simpson is on the verge of a nervous breakdown because Tony Romo dumped her.

George W. Bush is suicidal because an Alien ate his dog.

And Whitney is exploding at Oprah because Oprah doesn't have the crack she likes.

And those were just the tabloids.

On the right of me was all the food that has caused our current health care crisis.

So the things that sell best are the things that make us fat and the things that make us stupid.

The day I’ll be optimistic will be the day that there are impulse oranges on the left of me, and books on the right of me.

Until then, we’ll get the government we deserve.

But really, who am I to judge...I just bought a Milkyway and a National Enquirer.