Are You Watching The Jersey Shore???

You should be!

I didn't want to. I couldn't. I shouldn't. I finally broke down and took in an episode. I was hooked in five minutes. It is without a doubt the greatest thing on TV right now. I know you don't want to watch it, but you have to. You really just have to. It's that awesome. Since I know my three readers haven't watched the show, I will give you a player breakdown.

The guys:

Vinnie: The family guy with no inhibitions that is completely laid back. Would not be shocked to see him out at the bar on a Thursday.

Quote:
I don't give a fuck. You're fat, you're ugly, you're 45 years-old, I'll dance with you. It's hilarious, ya know what I mean?


Pauly D: That overly gregarious guy you know with little man's disease that will snap at the first sign of conflict so he can be sure he throws the first punch before the fight breaks up

Quote:
We’re beatin’-up-the-beat, that’s what we say when we’re doing our fist pump. First, we start off by banging the ground, we’re banging it as the beat builds ‘cause that beat’s hittin’ us so we’re fightin’ back, it’s like we beat up that beat.

Ronnie: The dude you knew in high school that just loves to stare at himself in the weight room mirror and strut around wanting girls to stare at him. COMPLETE meathead.
Quote:
Schnickers is like crying 'cause she got punched in the face and like The Situation is creepin'.

Mike (The Situation): Your completely overconfident friend that is secretly very insecure about who he actually is. Uses one thing he has to distract focus from all his faults. When things don't go his way he becomes completely lost in the world and you honestly worry that he may end his life... btw this guy is the star of the show imo.

The girls:

Jwow: That woman who has lost her fastball. She's like Jamie Moyer out there relying on old standbys and dammit she's gonna get her innings in. She's 9 years past her prime and flaunts her boobs in hopes that others don't realize her dump truck of a face. Fwiw though... she DOES have a slammin body.

Angelina: That ultra feminist chick that loves the power that comes from cockblocking other dudes. However, lest she be labeled someone that has no fun, she will pretend to hook up with repulsive dudes on a whim and then lie her ass off about it later. She thinks she's enigmatic when really she's just a horrid bitch.

Sammi: Sammi of the 8 is most likely to hold down a real job in the future. She's kind of a bitch in that she loves squaring men off against each other just to show her power. Personally, this kind of girl absolutely turns me on. I love exerting dominance over them. If you're weak around her she will absolutely run you over and laugh about it.

Nicole: Nickname is Snookie but most of the others derisively call her Snickers, which, HILARIOUS. She's that girl you know that has no redeeming qualities so she goes out and gets horribly sloppy and then tries to make up for it by being mom-like the next day. She is, and this is really saying something, the biggest attention whore on the show having already staged a fake walkout in the first episode! I'm so excited to watch her just combust throughout the whole season. She will be liked by nobody in 2 weeks. Book it.

Well there it is. If you aren't watching now you have an intro that's worthy of people you probably already know. Get to it guys.